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  Lyrical Press, Incorporated

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  Staten Island, New York 10312

  Twisted Reality and Deep Breathing

  Copyright © July 2008, Darcy Campbell

  Editing by Pam Skochinski

  Cover Art by Renee Rocco

  www.lyricalpress.com

  All Rights Are Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

  First Lyrical Press, Inc. electronic publication: July 2008

  TWISTED REALITY

  and

  DEEP BREATHING

  by Darcy Campbell

  DEDICATION

  To my one true love, Lynda, for making my life complete.

  TWISTED REALITY

  Chapter 1

  Jodi’s eyes flew open as she bolted upright in bed. Her heart raced, her skin was clammy, so scared she was shaking. It’s that damn dream again, Jodi thought as she looked over at the lump lying next to her. Lying back down, trying to catch her breath, she attempted to shake off the effects of the dream.

  If I could just remember my dream, maybe I could finally get a handle on the way it makes me feel. All I can ever remember is a bright, white light and then this intense feeling; so intense that I ache. I couldn't identify the feeling, but I know I didn't like it, it scared me.

  Jodi rolled over toward her husband for comfort, but she should have saved her energy. Once Ralph was asleep, he never moved, never cuddled, never even acknowledged that she was there. Jodi was so worried that she even tried to talk to him about the dream one evening over dinner. His reaction was typical; as usual, he blamed everything on ‘that time of the month’ and told her it was all in her head. Okay, if the dreams were only in her head, she would see a psychiatrist. Since Ralph believed psychiatrists were no better than witch doctors, he would never consider paying for one, so Jodi was forced to use the free clinic. After sitting in the waiting room for over four hours, Jodi finally saw a doctor, and he ran through a list of questions.

  Are you suicidal?

  Do you want to hurt anyone else?

  Have you hurt anyone else?

  The battery of questions continued in a drone.

  Once he got a negative answer to all his questions, the doctor decided she was probably hormonal, gave her a few samples, and told her to come back if the dreams got any worse. Worse, how much worse could they get? Frustrated with the lack of concern, Jodi spent hours in the library researching textbooks and magazines, looking for answers, all to no avail. The dreams came almost every night and always left her feeling unfulfilled and so incredibly forlorn.

  Over the past eight or so years, Jodi’s loneliness had grown so large it swallowed up her life. Ralph, her husband of ten years, didn’t like her associating with people he didn’t know; thinking she might say or do something that would reflect badly on him and hurt his rising career. The funniest part of Ralph’s rule was that he had no career to speak of. He was employed by a company with over a thousand employees and had a minor management position. At age forty-six, Ralph would either die in or retire from his current position. To hear him describe his job, he was on a first name basis with all the corporate suits, and they all looked to him when they needed suggestions.

  For the first two years of their marriage, Jodi tried repeatedly to get pregnant and nothing happened. Finally, Ralph declared that it was all her fault; she once again was a failure, this time at something that even the dumbest animal could do. As far as he was concerned, that was the end of the pregnancy discussion. Wanting a child more than anything, Jodi finally took some of the inheritance her father had left her and went to be tested. Tests showed there was nothing wrong with her bodily functions; so the challenge must therefore lie with Ralph. There was absolutely no way Jodi was going to get Ralph in for testing. One evening after getting him drunk, Jodi procured some of his semen and took it the next day for testing. Ralph’s sperm had low mobility, and the chances of them ever swimming fast enough or far enough were almost zero. With that news, Jodi had little choice but to resign herself to a life with no children.

  Glancing over at the clock, Jodi realized her alarm would be going off in just a few minutes anyway, so she might as well get an early start on the day. As quietly as possible, Jodi got out of bed, put on her robe, and went into the living room to straighten up. Ralph hated being awakened before the alarm clock went off, and he really hated coming into a messy living room. The past ten years had been a juggle, making sure that she was available to go to bed whenever he was ready, house clean or not, and then have everything clean when he got up in the morning. Jodi had finally discovered that if she got up at least an hour before him, she could get everything done on time. Going into the kitchen, she started to work on breakfast.

  Chapter 2

  “Can’t you ever do anything right? First of all you bought the wrong size belt, and these eggs taste like crap. I don’t know why I keep you around!” Ralph screamed as he stormed from the table. As he slammed out of the room, Jodi remained seated, silent tears running down her face, a failure once again.

  Slowly she got up from the table and picked up the remains of her breakfast. Funny, the food tasted pretty good until just a few minutes ago. As she proceeded to clean the kitchen, she reviewed her morning so far.

  First, she woke up an hour before Ralph, just so she could have his clothes pressed and hanging on the door, in addition to cleaning the house. He would not allow her to iron the clothes all at once, claiming they got wrinkled in the closet and after all, he needed to make a good impression at work. Therefore, Jodi worked out a routine of pressing everything twice; once when she did all the clothes, and then every morning she gave the garments of the day a touch up. This way, she saved time in the morning, and Ralph still got his freshly ironed clothes. Once Ralph’s clothes were ironed, her next task was breakfast and coffee. Ralph was very particular about the way his eggs were fixed; they must be soft boiled for exactly one and one-half minutes, no more, no less, and they must be hot when he sat down to eat. The hot service was the tricky part. Early in their marriage, Jodi would wait until he came into the kitchen to start the eggs. That was not acceptable; Ralph refused to wait for his breakfast. Okay, next time Jodi tried calling him when the eggs were ready, so he would not have to wait, and they would still be hot. That was still not good enough. How dare she interrupt his morning preparations? After all, he was the one with the ‘big time’ career, while she just worked at Sav-Mor, a local drugstore. Finally, after years of practice and tons of abuse, Jodi had the routine down to an art. She had actually timed each of the steps that Ralph went through every morning, so she knew exactly when to put the eggs on and when he would walk into the kitchen.

  Once Ralph’s breakfast was ready, she sat down with him at the table to eat; well, try to eat. Ralph did not like to eat by himself, but he really did not care if she ate or not, just that she was there. He was always finding something he needed that prevented her from eating her food while it was warm. It had been years since Jodi had a warm, much less hot, meal with Ralph.

  It was while eating his eggs that Ralph lost his temper. Jodi had stopped on her way home
from work last night to buy him two belts; one brown and one black, and she bought the same size as last time. Unfortunately, Ralph had gained twenty pounds since then, and now the belts did not fit properly. His description of a properly fitting belt was one that had only two holes after the connecting hole; just enough extra to slide under the first belt loop, but not too much that it looked bulky. With the extra weight, Ralph was forced to move the belt to the next hole, not allowing enough remainder to fit where he wanted; hence, the verbal attack aimed at Jodi. By time he had finished his ‘discussion’ with her, his eggs were cold, and that had sent him into a temper tantrum.

  Once Ralph left for the office, Jodi took a deep breath, and had one last cup of coffee. After she picked up the living room and bedroom, Jodi quickly ran a vacuum over the carpet. There was not much to pick up or vacuum since this was done every morning, but Ralph insisted on coming home to a clean house. After making the bed, she went into the kitchen to prepare a lunch to take to work. With the minimal allowance Ralph gave her, Jodi only had enough cash to eat out at lunch once a week, and only then her meal consisted of the blue plate special at the diner around the corner. She had been saving her lunch money, trying to collect enough to pay for a birthday dinner for her next-door neighbor, Christine. Christine had been so nice over the past three years since she had moved in, really becoming a good friend. Wanting to do something special for her birthday, Jodi had scrimped and saved but still feared it would not be enough..

  Jodi checked the refrigerator before leaving for work, making sure that they had all the pieces necessary for whatever dinner Ralph decided he wanted. He called every day between three and four in the afternoon, right before she left work, to let her know what he wanted for dinner. God help her if all the ingredients were not at the house, because there was not enough time to stop at the grocery store, shop, and still have dinner ready by the time Ralph got home. As she hurried through her morning routine, Jodi wanted to make sure she still had enough time to stop by Christine’s on the way to work. Looking around the living room one last time, Jodi quickly rearranged the pillows on the couch, shifted a chair into proper alignment, and left.

  Thankfully, Christine was home when Jodi stopped by. Somehow, just the ten or fifteen minutes Jodi spent in the morning with Christine started her day off right. Almost immediately, Christine noticed the trail of her tears from this morning.

  “Hey sweetie, what’s up with you? You look like you lost your best friend. Bad morning with Mr. Wonderful?”

  “No, nothing out of the ordinary. Same shit, different day. I wish I knew what I did to piss him off this time.”

  The two women were as dissimilar as possible. Jodie was very pale with limp, washed out, brownish hair. Her blue eyes were usually downcast and hooded, but when she smiled, you could see a bright spark in the depths of the blue. Unfortunately, smiling was not a normal characteristic for Jodi.

  Christine was just the opposite. Shorter than Jodi by several inches, she easily outweighed her by thirty or forty pounds. She had a perpetual tan, due to her Hispanic heritage, and long dark hair. There was a constant smile on her face as if she knew a secret everyone else was missing. There was a twinkle in her eyes and a bounce in her step every time Jodi saw her. It was this happy and carefree outlook on life that drew Jodi to her.

  The first time Jodi introduced herself to the new neighbor, they both felt an immediate connection. Over the next few years, Christine began to feel very protective of Jodi, always offering a shoulder to cry on when things got bad with Ralph.

  Since she had no other friends, Jodi invited Christine to the house for a fortieth birthday celebration. She swore Christine would never find out just what she had to do with Ralph to get his permission for the 'special occasion.’

  Dinner had been a very uncomfortable, sad, little affair. It was immediately apparent from Ralph’s expression and demeanor that he only tolerated Christine’s presence as a special treat for his wife. Why he even bothered was still a mystery to Christine. Jodi was up and down so much waiting on him that there was no time to socialize.

  After dinner, Jodi presented a special birthday dessert she had created, only to be chastised for wasting her grocery budget on something so frivolous. Christine attempted to lighten the mood by handing over her birthday gift, a set of antique frames. Jodi had noticed the frames months ago when she and Christine had been on one of their rare 'girl' days of decorator accessory shopping. While she would have loved to have bought them then and there, Jodi knew Ralph would never approve the expenditure. He would consider it a waste of his hard-earned money. So, she was delighted to see Christine had noticed her interest and bought them for her. Just one more case where the two of them had the same thought.

  Of course Ralph had to belittle the gift by commenting that only a woman would waste money on something that had to be dusted. He had no concept of the amount of time and care that went into a gift like that. Jodi was still admiring her gift from Christine when Ralph threw his on the table. Jodi looked at the presented gift with great suspicion. Opening the box very carefully, Jodi unfolded the tissue paper wrapping and immediately turned beet red.

  “Take it out, take it out,” Ralph cried. “Show Christine what I bought you for your birthday.”

  “Ralph, while I appreciate the lovely gift, it’s for us to share intimately, not in public. Could I please save it for this evening?”

  “Oh, we will definitely use it this evening, but I wanted Christine to see it as well. Take it out and show her. You don’t have to model it, just hold it up.”

  Realizing that she was fighting a losing battle, Jodi removed her birthday gift from the tissue and held it up, blushing more furiously than before. Tears immediately welled up in Jodi's eyes as she held up the offensive garment. It was embarrassing enough in private, but in front of Christine it was almost more than she could bear.

  “Ralph, did you pick that out all by yourself or did the counter girl help you? I think the colors are wonderfully bright. I wish I had one for myself.”

  “See Jodi, I told you Christine would appreciate it. All women who want to please their men would. You can show me your appreciation tonight after we go to bed.”

  Still very humiliated, Jodi shot a quick glance to Christine, silently thanking her for helping. There was no woman alive she knew who would want anyone else to know her husband bought these things, much less that she would wear something this vulgar. The garment had obviously been purchased at a sex shop; in fact, the name on the box was Sweet Dreams. There was a split in the crotch area and the one-piece corset/bra combination had holes cut where the nipples would go. There was only one reason anyone would wear this outfit and it was definitely not something that could be shared with company. It was just one more of Ralph’s attempts to humiliate her. Jodi shut down the remainder of the evening as quickly as possible. Right after cake and ice cream had been served, Christine made some excuse for a hasty exit.

  *

  While Jodi couldn't hide the fact she had been crying again, she downplayed this morning's fight with Ralph. Jodi could still remember the last time Christine interfered between her and Ralph. Jodi was crying on her shoulder and Christine made the mistake of telling Jodi exactly what she thought about Ralph. Jodi felt her loyalties were being called into question, so she avoided Christine for a few weeks, until she could come to terms with her feelings. When they finally got back together, Christine seemed as relieved as Jodi to reinstate their friendship, and luckily Christine never made Jodi choose between them again. Jodi would have hated to lose Christine as a friend.

  As Jodi entered Christine’s living room, she was once again amazed by how welcoming and friendly the décor was. When Christine first moved into the neighborhood, they went interior shopping one weekend when Ralph was out of town on a work convention. Christine had confessed that she had no flair for design and had given Jodi free reign of both décor and her credit cards; Jodi was in heaven. She was working as an apprentice f
or one of the country’s foremost designers when she met and fell in love with Ralph. Since he did not want his wife to work, and Jodi had hoped to start a family immediately, she had quickly agreed to quit her job and stay at home. Years later with still no children, Ralph decided she needed to get a part time job to supplement the family’s income, since she was not doing anything else during the day. Too much time had passed to go back into interior design and Ralph’s demands required a more flexible job.

  Ralph had also not allowed her to make any décor changes to their home. Since he had purchased the home before they married, it was decorated in bachelor style and Ralph saw no need to change it. In fact, in the ten years of their marriage, if furniture wore out, Ralph simply had the couch or chair re-covered exactly as before. Last year, they had to replace the carpet in the hallway, and the original color was no longer available. Ralph searched for a month before he found just enough carpet in a warehouse six states away to fit. He probably spent three times as much for this carpet since he had to pay for shipping, but it matched perfectly with the other carpet.

  On the way to work, Jodi tried to keep her thoughts and memories on Christine and off Ralph. As long as she could focus on happy thoughts, her day at work went quickly. She returned from work just in time to have dinner ready when Ralph arrived at home. After dinner, Ralph decided that Jodi had ‘earned’ his personal attention, which Jodi had grown to dread more and more. Ralph had never been a very good or attentive lover, but he had gradually gotten worse; leaving Jodi cold and wanting after he finished and rolled over to fall asleep. The very few times Jodi had complained, Ralph had gotten physically abusive, practically raping Jodi and bruising her horribly. Jodi learned her lesson and kept her mouth shut. There were many, too many, nights when Jodi resorted to silently masturbating in the bathroom to achieve her own release. She could not take the risk of having any toys found by Ralph, so Jodi was restricted with her options. She had to be creative and, most of all, silent with her pleasures.